Trade-offs

Interesting posts by Alice and M (yes guys, I cyber stalk you!!) which got me thinking abt what I want from life, et al. And I realised that, though it is an unpopular sentiment (:-) ), I actually like what I do, and wouldn't want to do anything else- that is, this job is good for now, but I know I will move on sooner or later- but the general career choice stays. I like being in academics. I like being paid for thinking, and for expounding ideas and- call it megalomania or idealism- for hopefully making a difference, somehow, sometime, somewhere.

And even this job has been an amazing experience. It's definitely been the steepest learning curve of my life, far out-curving 5 years of lawschool and a year at Yale. Its given me amazing insights into our legal system. Sure its been disillusioning and disheartening to see what our judiciary is really like, but all put together, its been a lavish seven course food for thought meal.

Other bits are not that good. The bureaucracy in this place is grab-your-head-and-bang-it-againt-the-wall frustrating. The librarian--oh well-dont get me started on him...And the boss. He can make me want to scream and/or burst into tears at his attacks of craziness, his obdurateness and his sheer bull-headedness. Also his complete lack of sense of time....He can also be fairly scary because his reactions are unpredictable....

That being said, he is a great boss in many ways too. He gives us a free hand around the place. We are free to come and go as we please. We can work on whatever we want (unless he really wants us to work on something in particular, in which case he will try to manipulate us into thinking that is exactly what we want to work on!!). And above all, he is funny, witty, liberal (which came as a shock to me as my previous experience of him was anything but...), passionate about his work, and very very intelligent.

So anyway, I get to work on what takes my fancy, generally at the pace I want, with fair control over when I come and go, get a great house to live in, no commuting time, and a wonderful wonderful location (albeit in a dead city).

I still get up in the morning ever so often and think- is this what i want to do for the rest of my life? not because I dont love my job, but because it comes with a subsistence level pay check...So here is the trade-off. I can do what I love doing, with fair amount of control over my life, but with very little money to control it with (and boy does lack of money pinch!!!), or I can sell my soul (which is what a corp job would mean for me) and be rich but hate every minute of it.... who is to say which is better?